Proverbs 31 Movement

Dear Future Wife,

First let me say how I much I deeply long for the day when I know who you are. While I am living in the moment and being content with what God is doing in me for the time being, there is a huge part of me that wonders what you look like, how I will meet you, what your family is like, what you want for your life, what your strengths are, what your struggles are, what you want our relationship to look like, what is going on in your life right now, and, especially, how your walk with God will bring you to me. I really wish there was a way to open up a time portal and glimpse into the future. But I guess that would ruin the surprise. I want you to know that I am praying that God is working in you each and every day, and that you would hear his still, small voice when your head lays against the pillow at night. It is also my prayer that God would be working in me, so that every day I would be learning something that God wants me to know, in order to be the husband, best friend, and partner that God wants me to be for you.

There are so many things that I cannot wait for. I cannot wait to have inside jokes, to laugh, to go on dates, to sing in the car together, to just be together, in both good times and bad. To quote one of my favorite artists, jenny & tyler (FYI you will be hearing a lot of them in the car), I want to be the person to help carry you when you are weak. I want to be there when you are broken-hearted. I want to be there to pick you up when you fall. I want to be there to share your burdens. But I especially want to be there with you, with my hands lifted high, praising the God of the universe.

I think it’s important that you know that I bleed green and gold. If you don’t know the Baylor fight song and that “Good Ole Baylor Line”, then that’s going to be a serious hurdle for me to get over. Also, I apologize in advance for yelling at the TV during ALL Baylor sporting events. But seriously, if you are doing “Sic ‘ems” with me when we are 90 together, then I’d say I’m the luckiest man in the world.

There are just so many things about our future relationship that I am so excited about. But it is probably the chance to stand on an altar and pledge before God our commitment to each other for the rest of our lives, and then living out that commitment every day, that excites me the most. I cannot wait for all that God is going to teach me about what true love is through you. So know tonight when your head hits that pillow, God loves you, and so do I. This is a promise I make to you today.

Love, Michael (Letter posted on Facebook, on the Live31 Movement page.)

More honesty and transparency from my crazy, mixed-up heart: I struggle big time with my self-image. I know that I'm certainly not in the minority on this; in fact, I think it's safe to say I'm in the overwhelming majority. The world tells women that we must look like Heidi and Gisele in order to "land a man" (and to keep him, for that matter!), but in His word God tells us that my heart and my faith are infinitely more valuable than my body and physical appearance are.

"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight," 1 Peter 3:3-4.

I think about this verse often, but no matter how many times I read it and no matter how much I try and dwell on its truth, I still find myself spending way to much time worrying over my outward appearance. I spend way too much money on clothes and shoes in an attempt to look and feel "pretty." I worry over my figure, trying to count calories and chastising myself inwardly when I miss a day at the gym. (These struggles have been more intense lately what with bathing suit season just around the corner...) I have pictures of Heidi Klum and some other Victoria's Secret models in bathing suits and lingerie taped to the mirror in my closet so that when I dress every morning, I'll be reminded to hit the gym and behave on my diet so that I might obtain a figure like theirs. THAT IS SAD! Given the choice, my heart would rather focus on obtaining the "ideal" body type so that I might be considered attractive to this world rather than focusing on pleasing my heavenly Father by striving to have a gentle and quiet spirit. Even though I'm in the majority on this one, my priorities are way out-of-whack.

The world's priorities are also out-of-whack. And it's hard to live in this world without being influenced by it! For instance, our culture and many young men I know tell women that bikinis at the beach are the sexy way to go and that one-pieces are for moms and women who are overweight. I am (almost) 26 years old, and yet I say that one-pieces are also for Christian women who desire to save their bodies for their husbands and to try to prevent other men from falling into sin by lusting after the almost-naked women who run around on the beach in barely-there bikinis. For pete's sake, my bras and underwear reveal less than my bikinis do!! I once dated a guy who wanted to take me to the beach one Saturday, and out of nowhere I suddenly blurted out that I wear one-pieces. He was stunned. He told me that he just didn't understand why a young, attractive woman would want to cover herself up like that. I replied by saying that I think there are certain things that only my future husband should be privy to, and that includes my cleavage and half-naked body! I was discouraged that this guy I was dating didn't seem to get where I was coming from. And he's not in the minority on that one, either. Most of my guy friends think that my one-pieces are "prudish." But we're called to be "in the world and not of the world", and so I'm trying. 

There is a movement called the Live31 Movement which was started by a guy named Alex who attends Baylor college (click on this link to learn more: Live31.org). Live31 is a non-profit organization promoting healthy self-image through a biblical worldview. The movement and organization stress that young women can overcome our culture's ideal of the "model" woman when the biblical ideal of womanhood is modeled by the church. I am so incredibly thankful for this movement and especially for the MEN who are involved with it! As a single woman praying for a future husband, it's all too easy to be discouraged at the lack of "real," godly men in our society! I pray that this movement would reach countless women and that hearts would be changed (including mine!) so that we'd all finally believe that true happiness and self worth are found in Christ. So that women in our culture would feel truly beautiful - and finally believe that true beauty has nothing to do with our outward appearances! I pray also that many mens' hearts would be changed so that they'd stop devouring women with their eyes and stop treating women as objects rather than as God's daughters! I pray that God would raise up the young men in our generation to desire to marry women with authentic faiths who fear the Lord, rather than desiring to marry sex symbols and lingerie models. 

What to Look for in a Woman (click on the link). This is an article written by a recently-engaged man who desired to meet a "Proverbs 31 woman" and who often found himself discouraged during his season of singleness. I can relate to that; I have to fight discouragement more often than not as I strive to wait patiently for a man who desires a Proverbs 31 woman over a Victoria's Secret model. The author of the article says that whenever he found himself listing off outward attributes as the things he desired in a wife, he would return to the book of Proverbs to be reminded of what a "true" woman looks like. I think that women could learn from this guy - not only do the men in our society need to return to Proverbs 31 whenever they are tempted to view women as commodities rather than daughters of the King, but the WOMEN need to return to Proverbs 31 as well whenever we are tempted to focus more on outward appearances and attracting men based solely on our looks! We need to remember that we are in fact princesses: daughters of the King. The world would tell both men and women that a slim and trim figure and coquettish personality are satisfying. But God tells us that "charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting" (Proverbs 31:30).  

"A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands. She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar. She gets up while it is still night; she provides food for her family and portions for her female servants. She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard. She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks. She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night. In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers. She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy. When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet. She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple. Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land. She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes. She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: "Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all." Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Honor her for all that her hands have done, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate," Proverbs 31:10-31.  

Because I am God's daughter, the decision is His to give my heart in the time that He ordains, to the man He has chosen for me to marry. Making the decision to wait for God's best for me has not been easy. Waiting patiently on Him to introduce me to my future husband is NOT a strength of mine; in fact, it's a struggle that I battle with DAILY. But I desire to marry a man who values the virtues that God outlined in Proverbs 31 over a perfect face and model-esque body. And I also desire to BE a Proverbs 31 woman for my husband. And both of those (meeting a man worthy of marrying a princess and becoming a Proverbs 31 woman) take time. But waiting will be worth it! I think that during this season of waiting and of singleness, my focus should be on spending time with my beautiful Savior and on training my heart and habits to look like those of the woman described in the verses written above. Change doesn't happen overnight, and it's ludicrous to think that you can just become this woman the instant that you meet a godly man. So I chose to start right now to strive to model my life after the Proverbs 31 woman. I chose to reject worldly standards that say I have to be a perfect size 0 and look like Heidi Klum if I want to "compete" with the other single women out there. I chose to focus all of my energy on adorning my inner self rather than my outer self. And I chose to wait for a man who will see Christ's bride and most precious treasure when he looks at me.

Longing to be beautiful is not a sin; every woman in this world longs to be beautiful. But we should long to be beautiful according to biblical standards and not measure our beauty according to worldly standards. Share Live31 with your friends and family. The movement is directed at helping women restore their self-esteem issues through Christ but our culture also needs godly men to step up and proclaim that they are running after Proverbs 31 women no matter what. Insecurity is the devil's tool. It is because of this that I pledge to focus on becoming a Proverbs 31 woman rather than letting him whisper lies in my ear like "I'm not good enough" and "I don't measure up." God can and WILL raise up men who will stand by us women and affirm that our true beauty comes from Christ. And God can and WILL change His daughter's hearts so that we might value the virtues of the Lord rather than the bodies of the Victoria's Secret models. Men have a duty to live lives worthy of Proverbs 31 women, and we women have a duty to model the virtues of the woman written about in that scripture. Living 31 is about the unshackling of women from the slavery of Victoria's hollow secret. And Proverbs 31 is about a woman who godly people adore, not because of her outward appearance (which, by the way, is not mentioned even once in the entire passage) but because of her inner beauty, precious faith and fear of the Lord. I'm ready to live freely! Are you?