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Have you ever felt the Lord stirring something in your heart before you even really knew what exactly it was that He was stirring up? I have been feeling that way for the past few months, and I've just recently begun to be able to put some of my feelings and thoughts on what He's trying to show me into words.

I have been experiencing much internal conflict lately. I have these desires, hopes and dreams for my future -  dreams that I've had since I was a toddler watching Disney princess movies and dreams which are so very important to me...and at the same time, I've started to have other dreams and desires which are not yet fully formed but are certainly very intense. These new dreams are still just stirrings, if you will. But I feel the Lord working in my heart and I can only believe that these stirrings are from Him. Maybe He's preparing me for the amazing future that He's prepared for me??

I am just an ordinary woman living an ordinary life. The dreams I've had since childhood are not unlike most girls' dreams. I want to marry a godly husband to have four beautiful, playful children. I want to live in a good community where my kids can ride their bikes down the street and where I can run into friends from church at the grocery store. I want to have a cute little house and drive a "soccer mom" van and cart kids all over town to ballet and karate and piano lessons and I want to join the PTA at their schools and to be the "class mom" who makes cupcakes on holidays and helps plan parties at their elementary schools. I want to belong to a church and to host a Bible study at our house once a week and I want to live close to my parents and sisters so that our families can grow up together the way I did with my 24 cousins....

And I also want to live a radical life for Jesus. I want to be a "yes" kind of girl like Mary was, to say yes to Jesus wherever He leads me and no matter what He asks of me. I want to live the kind of life and have the kind of faith that causes me to stand out like a sore thumb in this world. I want people to look at the way in which I live my life and to say, "We don't understand that girl. She's a Jesus freak." To hear someone say that about me would be a compliment. I want to follow Him without hesitation even if He asks me to live in a third-world county. I want to live in total dependence on Him as I give all of myself to His purpose for my life and I want to pour myself into the lives of those who are less fortunate than I. I want to love everyone I meet and treat well - I want to show them the love of their Heavenly Father by giving my life to love them well. I want to show and tell every patient I treat that they are so incredibly valuable because they belong to our benevolent and gracious Father in Heaven and I want to make a difference in this world.

I am headed to Rwanda in March to work at a hospital in Kibogora for a month. I have had the desire to visit and serve Him in Africa since I took my first mission trip to Peru my sophomore year in college and I am so incredibly excited to get on that plane and fly across the ocean and love on everyone I meet over there. God has been writing a story in Rwanda for a long time and I pray that He uses me to accomplish His will in the lives of the patients I'll help treat while I'm over there.

I am ordinary but I am hungry to obey God. And I want to tell a poor and destitute and starving world that the God who died for them cares about every single hair on every single person's head. I want to pour out my heart for children who are hungry or alone, to try to help people who are less fortunate than I. I want to follow Jesus, to obey Him and to make my best effort, with His gracious help, to treat people with dignity and care for them unconditionally. I want to say yes to every single thing He asks of me, to each person He places in front of me.

"From everyone who has been given much, 

much will be demanded; and from the one who has 

been entrusted with much, much more will be asked."

Luke 12:48