Enough with the Britni Pity Party!

This is a very honest and straight-from-the-heart post. I was unsure if I wanted to blog about this subject or not, but I decided that it might help me to get my thoughts out and in writing and maybe it will help someone else who reads this post and is struggling as I have been.

Over the past few months, I have been struggling under the weight of my shame and guilt and embarrassment at a certain sin in my life. I don't think it's necessary to disclose what exactly that sin is, but know that I am ashamed and saddened by it. Yes, I am a sinful person and I sin every single day; I start my day off by sinning when I neglect to love God with all of my heart from the moment my feet hit the floor in the mornings. I know this. And I do not fool myself into thinking that I am without sin or anything like that. But the sin that I've been struggling with lately is something new, something that just popped up and I have been feeling extremely guilty about it - so much so that at times my guilt and shame consume me and cause me to want to run and hide my face from our Holy God.  And I am writing to say that I have spent too much time fretting over this sin...

I have neglected to remember the fact that "there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus" (Romans 8:1). Instead, I have allowed myself in a sense to wallow in self-pity and have caused myself much unnecessary grief. Please do not misunderstand me: as Christians we are called to be saddened by our sin and to repent of it. We are called to confess our sin to God and to ask for forgiveness and to move forward striving not to fall back into that sin. But we are also called to find refuge in God's amazing GRACE and to be consumed by His MERCY and to remember that ALL of my sins are washed over by the blood of Christ - my past sins, current sins, and future sins were all atoned for on a cross on a hill when Jesus died. And I have forgotten this last part about God's grace and mercy and Jesus' sacrifice...and what a dope am I, for that I believe is the most important part.

Jason Sterling is a very dear friend of mine and was my RUF pastor in college. He used to preach this very true saying: "Cheer up. You are a lot worse off then you think. But you are also loved so much more than you could ever imagine."All too easily I forget that God is for me (Romans 8:31). He takes great DELIGHT in ME (Zephaniah 3:17). He has cast my sins as far from Him as the east is from the west (Psalm 103:12). He loved me so much that before the earth was even created He devised a plan that would allow me to be drawn and bound to Him forevermore and allow me to spend eternity with Him. He pursues me relentlessly, even when I condemn myself for my fears and failures, and He calls my heart back to Him and wraps me in His love and reminds me that the price for my sin has already been paid. I have been bought at a price (1 Corinthians 6:20) and I belong to Him. Even more amazing is that when God looks at me, He sees His Son and His Son's righteousness covering me! Another friend of mine, Jean Larroux (my pastor back home in Huntsville), recently preached a sermon in which he nailed home the fact that Jesus' righteousness has been imputed to me! His righteousness has been credited to my account and when God the Father gazes at me He sees His perfect Son! He does not see me covered in fear and failure and guilt and shame and sin. He sees His daughter, born a ragamuffin but adopted into the home of the King and now crowned a princess thanks to Jesus Christ. Amen!

Forgive me if you think that this post sounds like a sermon. But I am preaching- I'm preaching to myself, to my heart that has been weighed down for too long with shame and guilt that have kept me from enjoying the free grace and mercy and forgiveness that God has longed to lavish on me since the moment I committed this sin! I am a stinking mess, but I am accepted by God because of my faith in Jesus. And another amazing thing that I realized today: the fact that I have been so saddened and ashamed of my sin is just another example of the grace of God. It is only by His grace that my sinful heart even recognizes its shortcomings and is burdened by them. It is only by His grace that I feel the need to come to the throne of the Creator of Heaven and earth and ask for forgiveness. And mercifully, He reveals my sins to me slowly - if He were to show me all of the sin packed into my heart at once, I'd be overcome with grief and likely die of a heart attack right then and there. I truly am a lot worse off than I think I am. But thank Heavens I am more loved than I will ever be able to grasp.

Some beautiful quotes to drive home the message:

"Upon a life I did not live, upon a death I did not die,

Another's life, Another's death, I stake my whole eternity."

Horatius Bonar

"Nothing in my hand I bring. Simply to Thy cross I cling;

Naked, come to Thee for dress; Helpless, look to Thee for grace;

Foul, I to the fountain fly; Wash me Savior or I die."

Augustus M. Toplady

From this point forward I will try to remember to run to Jesus and rest in His loving presence. After confessing my sin and repenting of it before the throne of grace I will try to remember that the debt has been paid, my chains are gone and I've been set free from the bondage of sin and guilt and shame. Rehearsing my sins and failures over and over again only results in me multiplying my suffering and dwelling on MYSELF rather than committing them, asking forgiveness and receiving mercy and then moving forward focused on HIM. In dwelling on my sin and beating myself up over it I've minimized what Jesus accomplished on the cross for me. I've forgotten how amazing God's love is. 

Tim Keller once said that "nothing, not even abject contrition, merits the favor of God. The Father's love and acceptance are absolutely free." I did not earn His love and I cannot lose His love. My sin is a grave offense against our great God, yes. But Jesus died for that sin and by God's grace I can walk freely in that gift and move forward, pressing on to know and love Him more. In every other religion on earth its followers are saved by following the teachings of that religion's founder. Christianity is unique, and praise Jesus that it is. I am saved by faith in my Jesus. I "measure up" because of Him; otherwise I'd never in a million years make the cut. "What can wash away my sin? Nothing but the blood of Jesus..."

A final prayer to end the sermon: 

"Turn to me and be gracious to me, 

for I am lonely and afflicted. 

The troubles of my heart have multiplied;

free me from my anguish.

Look upon my affliction and my distress, 

and take away all of my sins...

Guard my life and rescue me;

Let me not be put to shame 

for I take refuge in You.

May integrity and uprightness protect me, 

because my hope is in You."

Psalm 25:16-21