Utterly Disproportionate to Who I Am

I had a conversation last night with two attending physicians about what it's like to be a doctor in today's society. They both told me that they absolutely hated their jobs, that being a physician is a giant hassle (for a thousand reasons that I don't need to list off) and that they would have chosen a different career path if they knew back in college what they know now. These two physicians were clearly unhappy and had a grand time ragging on me when I told them that I want to be a pediatrician; they basically said that I'd never make a difference in the world in that field. We went back and forth for over 20 minutes about the perks and downfalls of practicing medicine. I did my best to remain positive and tried to impart a younger and more servant-based view about being a physician, but in the end these two attendings remained pessimistic. One of them told me that he'd like to speak with me 5-10 years down the road, after I've graduated from residency and am practicing. He swore that I'd be just as jaded and pessimistic as he is now.

I didn't feel that it was the right atmosphere or setting to share with these two about my faith and the reasons why I'm so passionate about practicing medicine. But when I laid down to sleep last night, the prayer on my heart was that I'd be a light in this dark world. I prayed that attendings, fellow students, patients and their family members would all see something different in me (Jesus' love) and that that in turn would lead them ultimately to life-saving faith in Christ. Sometimes I doubt that I alone can make that much of a difference. It's easy to wonder/doubt how much change just one person can bring about. And then by the power of the Holy Spirit I am reminded that I'm not working alone when I'm trying to show the face of Christ. I have the God of heaven and earth working in and through me.

John Piper once prayed, "Lord, let me make a difference for You that is utterly disproportionate to who I am." I have adopted this prayer of faith. I will pray this prayer and believe that God will answer it the next time I meet someone who so desperately needs to see Jesus' hope and joy and love and I realize that I am the one for the job in that moment. I pray that I would remember that while I am not great, God is. And thanks to His astonishing sovereignty, my tiny self might make a very large difference in this world as He works through me. Piper believes that "passion for the glory of the Lord is the key to making a difference all out of proportion to who we are." He believes that this passion can "flame up" in the heart of any of God's children; the question is, do we want it enough to seek it?

David Brainerd was a missionary to the New England Indians 250 years ago. He was just 29 when he died, but in his short life he made a difference that was utterly disproportionate to who he was in the lives of many people by bringing them the good news of the gospel and hope of Jesus. He wrote:

"Oh, that I might be a flaming fire in the service of the Lord. 

Here I am, Lord, send me; send me to the ends of the earth...

send me from all that is called earthly comfort; send me even to 

death itself if it be but in Thy service and to promote Thy Kingdom."

So the question begging to be asked is, how does one attain this passion and zeal for the glory of the Lord? Piper's answer: prayerful immersion in Scripture - "The fire of the zeal for the Lord comes from the opening of the Scriptures in conversation with Jesus, that is, in Scripture-soaked prayer." Over the past few months, I have been healing from having my heart broken. The one and only reason that my heart has healed is Jesus. I have tried to surround myself with Jesus since having my heart broken - I've listened only to Christian radio and songs since October, have been diligent to read my devotional and finish my bible studies (in the past I've been hit-or-miss on reading daily), have been more intentional and devoted in my prayer life and Scripture reading and have made a conscious effort daily to run to the Lord with any and all doubts/fears/stresses/questions, etc. I have seen such amazing blessings in my life as a result of surrounding myself with Jesus. Among other fruits that have developed, the depth and strength and authenticity of my faith in God has grown ten-fold. My zest and zeal for the glory of God has multiplied and there is a noticeable difference in my daily thought process. My joy has increased as it  so often does after we find ourselves on the other side of a heartache and realize that Jesus never left our side for a moment and that He was working out His good purposes the whole time. 

I encourage all of you who read this post to make a few changes in your life over the next few weeks as we enter into the Easter season. 

                   First, I encourage you to tune your radios and ipods to Christian music and listen to only that music for at least a month. After thirty days of worship music while driving in your car or running at the gym, I guarantee that you will notice a change in your heart. How could you not? 

                  Second, I encourage you to find a devotional that you like and read it each day. The excerpts that you read daily don't have to be long and deep, they just need to point you to Jesus. A few that I recommend: My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers, Jesus Calling by Sarah Young or Grace for the Moment by Max Lucado. I read Taste and See by John Piper and adore it. 

                  Third, I encourage you to be intentional to carve out time to memorize Scripture. Set a goal for yourself (perhaps memorizing one new verse each week), write out the verse to be memorized on an index card and carry it with you. Pull it out and read it a few times whenever you have a moment. By the time Easter Sunday rolls around, you will have six new Scriptures written across your heart and ready to be brought to mind whenever this world tempts you to doubt the greatness of God. 

I pray that we all would be a "flaming fire in the service of the Lord." I pray that we'd all continue to strive to surround ourselves with Jesus and that our hearts would be transformed and set ablaze for the glory of the Lord. I pray that we'd be encouraged in our walk by the Scriptures written on our hearts and heard in worship music, on good days and especially bad days when we're exhausted, tempted to doubt, overcome with grief or feeling lost and alone. I pray that God would help us to see the ways in which He is working in and through us to transform this dark world and advance His Kingdom here on earth. And I pray that we'd all find a desire in our hearts to pray the prayer that Piper prayed:

"Lord, let me make a difference for You 

that is utterly disproportionate to who I am."